Kenmark
International
Tongue-tied in English
How many can you get right ...
Before you get tongue tied !!!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only
for the brave. It was passed on by
a linguist, original author unknown. Do ... Peruse this at your
leisure, English lovers. Some reasons why
the English language is so hard to learn:
1.] The bandage was wound around the wound.
2.] The farm was used to produce produce.
3.] The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4.] We must polish the Polish furniture.
5.] He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6.] The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7.] Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present.
8.] A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9.] When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10.] I did not object to the object.
11.] The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12.] There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13.] They were too close to the door to close it.
14.] The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15.] A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16.] To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17.] The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18.] After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19.] Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20.] I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21.] How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Now ... Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no
egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger ...
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But ... if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth, beeth ??? One goose,
2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese??? One index, 2 indices ??? Doesn't
it seem crazy that you can
make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it ??? If teachers taught, why didn't
preachers praught ???
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat ???
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to
an asylum for the
verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital ??? Ship
by truck and send cargo by ship ??? Have noses that run and feet
that smell ??? How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites ??? You
have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an
alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race,
which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "Quick" ???